One of the beautiful things about church community is the opportunity for intergenerational relationships. As modern society can feel increasingly individualistic, as more relationships happen in online spaces, and as loneliness and isolation is felt by more people, there is a great need for genuine connection. For women in the church, there is also a great opportunity to foster rich and deep relationships across different generations of women as we relate to one another as family.
The Family
One of the ways the Bible speaks about how people within a local church relate to one another is through the language of family. We are a family of believers (Galatians 6:10), the household of God (Ephesians 2:19). Paul instructs Timothy to relate to various demographics of people in the church like the family roles of father, mother, brother and sister (1 Timothy 5:1-2). Jesus himself speaks about people of the kingdom being his family (Matthew 12:49). Although we may walk through the doors of the church building without any blood relatives present, the blood of Christ makes us part of the one spiritual family.
Church as family presents a special opportunity for women to enjoy and nurture relationships within a far bigger family than any of us are born into. This might seem like great news for some women who perhaps come from small families or who are perhaps an only-child who always wanted a sibling. Or for those who have come from difficult and broken family backgrounds it’s an opportunity for a new, healthy family. For other women, those who are weary, worn-out with work, burdened by carrying the mental load, and busy caring for children or ageing parents, having more family members arrive on the scene (a whole church-full!) may feel a bit overwhelming. Why invest in more relationships with women in the church?
The Joy
One reason to invest in relationships with the other women at your church is that it can increase your joy. Sometimes it will be surprising joy with unexpected people. The diversity in church means that women from different political viewpoints, cultural backgrounds, languages, work industries, socio-economic backgrounds, and vastly different experiences of life, can all be drawn together by the one, unifying gospel. And in this melting pot of personalities and life circumstances, there is a wonderful opportunity to learn from each other’s views as we follow Jesus together. There is a richness in relationships when the gospel overcomes the divides, and we listen to and love those who are different from ourselves. It sharpens us and expands our perspectives. Where else do you spend lots of time with women where the only thing you might have in common is Jesus? There is joy in seeing the gospel at work as unlikely friends learn to journey in life’s and ups and downs together.
Another joy is the opportunity for physical presence within intergenerational friendships. With so much relating occurring online in a disembodied way, being physically present regularly with other women can be a special place of connection. When I was working as an Occupational Therapist, I would often work with older women who were quite isolated and rarely had any physical touch. No hugs, no pats on the hand, no contact at all. Sometimes they didn’t even have a person to chat with that week. It seems so simple, but having safe spaces for women to just be with each other, no matter their age or season of life, can be such a gift. To at least weekly have meaningful conversation, with eye contact. Even if one woman is juggling her children, another is worried about her exam, and another is leaning on her mobility aid, the church family is a unique space where all these women can connect together in relationships of deepening care and genuine affection.
In a culture where it can feel like a shameful thing for women to age, the Bible honours the role that older women have in the church family. Paul speaks of the special role older women have in teaching younger women as they apply the gospel to their daily lives (Titus 2:3-6). For most of your time as an adult woman in the church, you will probably be both an older and younger woman at the same time. You will be the younger woman for the women of the older generation to teach and encourage and mentor. And simultaneously, you will be the older woman to the ones younger than you, for you to be their teacher, encourager and mentor. Even if the ones younger than you are youth or children, we always have something to offer our younger brothers and sisters in Christ. There is always a place of dignity, meaningful contribution, and value for women of all ages in the church family.
There is also a delightful way for women to be involved in church family life where they get to fulfil roles they may not otherwise have. For me as a single woman without biological children, being able to contribute to the lives of the children at my church is very precious. Paul calls Timothy his true child in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2), and church family gives me the opportunity to be a “spiritual mother” to more kids than I would ever be able to physically birth! Similarly, for me and others in my church who have already lost our own mothers, we get to enjoy the benefits of gaining many “spiritual mothers” and aunties and sisters through whom we experience the wisdom and love of Christ.
The Practice
So, what would it look like for women of all generations at your church to foster rich and deep relationships with each other?
It may mean recognising some of the key barriers to connection and together finding ways to overcome them. A lack of time is one. The nurture of relationships with those different to us takes intention and the freeing up of more capacity. It means perhaps saving a little more relational energy in the tank to connect more on Sundays or making time during the week to offer simple hospitality to one another. Perhaps, rather, it’s fear and insecurity which is the hurdle. Often, I hear mums at church tell me they don’t know how to speak with university students anymore, and they feel the age gap – what do young adults even talk about? And yet speak with the uni students and they can feel they have nothing to offer and so are intimidated to initiate conversation with the mums. Yet they are all figuring out what it looks like to follow Christ and live out the gospel in their lives – we have more in common then we might think.
One of the most underrated ministries I think in our Christian communities is the joyfilled ministry of 1 to 1 discipleship amongst women. The relationship where one woman who is older or who has been a Christian longer, intentionally disciples and mentors another woman who is younger or is a newer Christian. These relationships are built on reading the Bible and praying together. It helps press the gospel deeper into a woman’s life so that she is more able to live for Christ in all areas of her life. This kind of deep disciple-making shows new or younger Christian women that living for Jesus is not only plausible but attractive. It helps them to grow to be more like Christ as they mature in him. It helps women be supported to keep depending on Jesus and persevere through the suffering and hardships of different life seasons. Women discipling women with the word is incredibly important in the church family.
The church remains one of the best places to find and foster intergenerational relationships amongst women. It’s rare and it’s precious. It’s worth the investment, as women show each other what it looks like to follow Christ in all seasons of life.